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I've lost a lot in my fairly short life, had things slip away because of chance or foolishness in myself or foolishness in others.  However, I've held more in my hands than most people ever do.  I have things that nothing in all of creation can take from me.

I shouldn't be sad for long.  My life is rich and blessed and always will be.

The sun shines, my flowers will bloom this coming spring, whatever garden they're in.  I have love of a sort that is not shaken.  Beauty is always present, and is there to comfort us when we are willing to look up from our little sorrows and see it.

I have the love of my caring and understanding mother and father, my thoughtful sister, my encouraging brother, my sister who makes me laugh.  I have the love of their sweet wee ones who draw their auntie glorious things in crayons to make her smile.  I have the love of many aunts and uncles, and of my grandfather, with his odd humor and his matter of fact approach to life, and my grandmother, with her deep spiritual strength.

I've had hands I held slip from mine as well, but I know that I was loved.  I know I loved in return.  I know I am not the only one that wept.  As for me, love is worthwhile no matter how it ends.  So many people go through life and never really know it.  They may not weep like I do, but I pity them.  They miss too much of life.

I've held a lot, and known deep joy.  I've lost much, and wept from my very soul.  I'd not undo any of it.  And, wherever my path leads, I will be alright.

"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee, because he trusteth in thee." Isaiah 26:3
  • Listening to: Bellowhead, Burlesque
  • Reading: this and that
  • Drinking: spice tea
My life has been a bit too fun of late. . .
  • Reading: Tennyson
  • Drinking: green tea

I found this by way of an Irish music forum I post silly things to.  It made me happy.  It has Martin Carthy and stuffs. :)  (Not that anyone but me knows who he is. ;) )
I put this in a little book I bound for my dear and loving spouse-to-be last St. Valentine's.

I think it's quite appropriate for him.  In just a week we'll have been married 6 months.  Makes me feel old. :)  All this being expected to be a grown up at once was a bit challenging, but I have never before found meeting challenges so rewarding, and I couldn't possibly have a kinder, more paitient helper.

To my Dear and Loving Husband
Anne Bradstreet

If ever two were one then surely we.
If ever man were loved by wife, then thee;
If ever wife were happy in a man,
Compare with me, ye women, if you can.
I prize thy love more than whole mines of gold
Or all the riches that the East doth hold.
My love is such that rivers cannot quench,
Nor aught but love from thee give recompense.
Thy love is such I can no way repay,
The heavens reward thee manifold, I pray.
Then while we live, in love let's so perservere
That when we live no more, we may live ever.
To counteract my last, less than happy journal entry, I will make one for the sheer sake of amusement. . .

He recently advised me on how to deal with unpleasant social situations.  It amused me greatly. :)

"I'm hateful and horrible and nobody bothers me." -Merlin Fredrick

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

My grandfather grew up in a rural part of the frozen north back when they used horses to plow fields.  He is the little boy in knee breeches with carefully combed hair in more formal photographs, and the smallest person out with the threshing crew in others.  He was always quite mischevious and the trait has not lessed with age. :)

Now, as my father-in-law informs me, people did scary things to entertain themselves before they had tv. :)  My grandfather and a friend of his took it into their little heads to make parachutes from handkerchiefs.  Of course, they wanted to test their new creations, so they affixed the parachutes to some gophers they had caught and dropped them off of the the town water tower.  My grandfather had not given careful consideration to the potentially messy consequences should the parachutes fail to work.  Neither the grown-ups in town, nor the gophers were pleased with the result, to say the least. :)
I've not finished many poems lately, though I've jotted a lot of things down that will probably grow into proper poems over time.  My life been pretty busy.  I'm apparently a horrible housekeeper, for one thing. :)

My creative energies have been dedicated more to domestic things lately, like beading picture frames, arranging silk flowers, and painting switchplates.  It will take a good long while to have everything looking like I want it, but I'll try anyway.  I'm picky that way.  And I have been known to do odd things like bead my windows, which can be rather time consuming.

Marriage is a very good thing, so far, though we're having all sorts of fun like having to foreclose on our house.  He's a wonderful man, and he still makes me smile everyday.  My new in-laws are sweet people, too, which is good, because I'm stuck with them. :)

I recently quit my job, which consisted mostly of sizing watches and selling faux pearls to little old ladies, in order to go to school, find a part time job and keep house better.  We'll see how that works out, what with our over abundance of money and all. :)  Hopefully I'll feel more up to editing some of the stuff I've written, though.
I've always admired the lady depicted in this passage because she seems strong, and really quite independant, as her family depends upon her for a good many things.  Being responsible for myself for the first time, and having taken on the added responsibility of another person, I've been reading this a lot.  I'm not anywhere near meeting it, but it's not a bad ideal, I think. :)

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Proverbs 31:10-31

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.

She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.

She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.

She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.

Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.
It's all more or less coming together.  I have to pick up my ring today.  (I had it re-set with a  garnet because I like the colour and they stand for love and fidelity, so I rather like them.)  Then go to the court house and deal with all that.

Oh, and I'd like any opinions I can get on something.  Instead of the more traditional wedding march, which I am not madly in love with, should I have Southwind or Planxty Hewlett?  They'd play Planxty Hewlett a bit more slowly the the copy I found to link to, I'd think. :)  It'll be on the harp and flute.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

*the page with Planxty Hewlett*
*Planxty Hewlett*

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

*the page with South Wind*
*South Wind*
In a month from today I'll be a married lady.  That concept has so much tied up in it, good and bad, it's really a bit overwhelming.  I'm leaving my family behind, and venturing out into the world for the first time.  I'll have a good, kind man by my side, though. :) It's just so very much change, so much pressure about the wedding and the very different life I have before me.

I've written lately, but as a gift for my love, so I prefer to leave it with him, to do as he pleases.

I've been busy making garlands and purse shopping and all sorts of things.  My next task is to decide whether I want leaves and roses, feathers, or beads in my hair on my wedding day.  I intend to wear it in an old fashioned 20'sish style, as I do for formal occasions when it's short.  (I'd always assumed I'd wear it up in an elaborate braided style, as I do when it's long,but I did not have time to grow it as long as I like, and he prefers it short, anyway.)  My veil will be very, very long.  It should be interesting.  We have to find my love a top hat, too, which will be our task this afternoon. :)  (He is a strange one.  Probably why he suits me so well. :) )
It's getting there.  Go look if you'd like. :) It's so pretty.

(I, myself don't look very good in the picture, I suppose. :) I had a long hard day at work and I wasn't wearing a pinch of makeup.)

my wedding dress so far by lilymaid7…
  • Listening to: Inisheer
There is something sort of disconcerting about finding the sketch you made for your wedding dress when you intended to marry an entirely different man.  I probably should have burned the thing.

I shouldn't be upset.  I should be glad that that relationship ended the week before I intended to go cloth shopping, instead of thinking it some sort of bad omen that I found the sketch in my basket.

I think I'm getting more jittery as the wedding approaches.  I need to drink more tea, I suppose. :)
Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Go from me.  Yet I feel that I shall stand
Henceforward in thy shadow.  Nevermore
Alone upon the threshold of my door
Of individual life, I shall command
The uses of my soul, nor lift my hand
Serenely in the sunshine as before,
Without the sense of that which I forbore -
Thy touch upon the palm.  The widest land
Doom takes to part us, leaves thy heart in mine
With pulses that beat double.  What I do
And what I dream include thee, as the wine
Must taste of its own grapes.  And when I sue
God for myself, He hears that name of thine,
And sees within my eyes the tears of two.…
Perhaps a more appropriate song for a few days ago, but I like it.  This is as I sing it, anyway.  It has a very pretty tune.


All under the leaves and the leaves of life
I met with virgins seven.
One of them was Mary mild,
Our Lord's good mother in heaven.

"Oh what are you seeking for, you seven pretty maids
All under the leaves of life."
"We're seeking for no leaves, Thomas,
But for a friend of thine."

"Go down, go down into yonder town
And sit in the gallery.
There you'll see sweet Jesus Christ
Nailed to a big yew tree."

So they went down into yonder town
As fast as foot could follow,
And many the bitter and grievous tear
From the virgins' eyes did fall.

"Don't weep mother, don't weep mother.
Your weeping does me grieve,
For I must suffer this," he said,
"For Adam and for Eve."

"Oh, how can I my weeping leave,
My sorrows undergo,
When I do see my own son die
And sons I have no more."

He's leaned his head on his right shoulder
And death has struck him neigh.
"The Holy Ghost be with your soul,
Sweet mother, now I die."

Oh, the rose, the gentle rose
And the fennel that grows so strong.
Amen, good sirs, your charity
Is the ending of my song.

*text, tune, and a bit about it*

I hope everyone's had a wonderful, joyous Easter morning. :)
Well, life's slightly back to normal.  I've taken to reading a few things other than wedding planning books and now I have begun writing again.  (It's not working very well, but at least it's something.)  We've justa  little over 5 months to go.

We're getting married by an old family friend at a little Victorian house, in the garden.  We'll have Indian food, because it's nice, unlike more traditional things.  (I've never known anyone to say, "Whoo hoo! creamed chicken! My favourite.")  We picked the invitations the other day, and we're sending them out in a couple of months.

All I have to deal with now are clothes and flowers.  I know basicly what my gown will look like, and I think I've picked out the bridesmaid's dresses.  We're going cloth shopping for my gown, and it will likely be a collaboration between my mother and I.  (If not, my mum will sew it because she's much more competant than me.)

Hopefully I'll have produced some halfways decent poetry in a week or two.  We shall see. :)
  There is one alone, and there is not a second; yea, he hath neither child nor brother: yet is there no end of all his labour; neither is his eye satisfied with riches; neither saith he, For whom do I labour, and bereave my soul of good? This is also vanity, yea, it is a sore travail.
   Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.
  For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.
   Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone?
   And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

- Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (KJV)
A friend thought this might amuse me.  It did. :)  (I make paper you see, but I prefer plants, for some reason.)

BBC NEWS | Asia-Pacific | Tasmanian paper made from 'roo poo
If I don't seem to drop by or write often it is because I am in the midst of all sorts of planning unpleasantness, helping to repair and improve the house I'm going to live in, taking classes, and looking for a job.  I have to try on all sorts of white dresses and choose whatever seems the least unpleasant, have meetings with people about such lovely things as the price for serving a good many people vegetables or dead chicken, decide what ring I want to wear for the rest of my life (there are two I like, but I have no idea about the stone), find dresses my bridesmaids won't kill me for, sew a silk pillow for a small child to carry, sew a fluffy white thing for my head, and console my parents, among other things.  It's all dreadfully fun.

Sensible folks elope.
by Sir Phillip Sydney

My true-love hath my heart, and I have his,
By just exchange one for another given:
I hold his dear, and mine he cannot miss,
There never was a better bargain driven:
My true-love hath my heart, and I have his.
His heart in me keeps him and me in one,
My heart in him his thoughts and senses guides:
He loves my heart, for once it was his own,
I cherish his because in me it bides:
My true-love hath my heart, and I have his.
His heart his wound received from my sight;
My heart was wounded with his wounded heart;
For as from me on him his hurt did light,
So still, methought, in me his hurt did smart:
Both equal hurt, in this change sought our bliss,
My true love hath my heart and I have his.
Well, I can't describe it's oddness without talking too much, so I will summarize it, thereby running the risk of making it sound more normal than it actually was.

The man I've been seeing since last summer asked me to marry him on Christmas Eve, but insisted that I ask him back, which was actually quite considerate concerning the circumstances.  He brought it up in the presence if my mother, who began laughing loudly.  I asked her if she could leave because I didn't know what to do, so she retired to her room, giggling all the way.  I still didn't know what to do so I laughed nervously and decided I needed a cup of tea to calm my nerves.  Eventually we went into his room and discussed it with the door closed.  We had discussed getting married before and we decided to do so.

The next morning he asked my father for my hand over Christmas dinner.  My father didn't believe him at first and started laughing.  It was lovely. :)